Boy, it has been a while since I have found the time to post on here. Well, I am still sick. I am unsure of whether the spell that my friends and I did had any effect, but one of my doctors beleives that he knows what is wrong with me, so maybe it did. For me, knowing what is wrong is a big releif, but because I am not getting better after doing what my doctor has said to do, I am concerned that he is wrong.
I have been trying to figure out what it is on my own as well, I have done several rune casts to try to get some new ideas. A month or two ago I did a rune cast that at the time I struggled with the meaning. It was clear in the way that the runes fell that my fate was forked, meaning it was up to me which way it ended up.
One path was a bit jumbled, and seemed to lead to death/rebirth through difficult trials, and the other pointed to an Odin rune with the valkyrie rune ( /| ) as the rune that pointed. At the time, I could see which was the best path, the Odin path, but I wasn't sure what that entailed exactly. It was the rune for wisdom and knowledge through Odin, so I was thinking at the time that it meant to seek knowledge, or possibly to become more odinistic. I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything. Sometimes, it's a good idea to ponder something, waiting until you feel like you have determined the true meaning, even if you think you are close, lest you do something that then tips your fate the undesirable direction.
Well, the other day I was packing my notebook to take with me on a trip, and happened to look at the drawing I made of the rune cast, and being the type of person who can't let go of something until I understand it, thought it over once again. A few hours later, I had a realization of the meaning of the "path of Odin". Well, I have learned a good amount about the different aspects of the Norse gods, including Odin, so I know that Odin is a warrior god, who values brave warriors and through his valkyries he rescues thier spirits when they have fallen in battle to bring them to Valhalla. Thinking about that, I realized that I must wage war on this illness.
I had planned to build my strength up once I was feeling better, and then banish future sickness by remaining extremely physically fit. I guess it hadn't occured to me that I was somewhat putting the cart before the horse in the matter. I have realized that the way to feel better is to banish this sickness now by becoming stronger than it and forcing it to.
When I think about becoming a warrior for my health, I realized that it's really more that to do this I should become strictly disciplined in both body and mind, devoting myself to my purpose. It goes beyond eating right and getting sleep and exercise, to include becoming strong mentally as well. Expanding my knowledge, meditation, training myself with good habits, all of these things will be needed. I have been somewhat indulgent of myself the last few years, feeling like I need to reward myself in order to feel good, when really it is my own lack of action that keeps me from feeling good, not the lack of perceived rewards. Wouldn't good health truly be a reward? This is what I have realized, that to be happy and healthy, I must give up the empty rewards that only satisfy me in the short-term, and instead focus on the work that needs to be done, knowing that the reward I need is bigger and more important than any other.
So, the runes have provided, once I was ready to see the meaning of it, a solution to my problem. I am going to need to figure out a plan for all this, so that it doesn't get simply forgotten about once I have begun to recover. This is something that there is no going back to "normal" on after it's over. Once you commit to be a warrior in the eyes of Odin, you are commited for life. This will be a life change for me, bringing me to my true self, a warrior. I know that this is something that is vitally important for me to understand, that I am not just using this as a tool to get what I want, but instead I am pushing myself to reach my highest potential for good in the world too. It's all interconnected, and without good health, it is clear that everything else I want to accomplish cannot be done.
I have dreams about being a warrior for the forces of good in the world all the time. In fact, deep down I have been searching my soul to figure out what I want my purpose to be, and all along it was there waiting for me to realize. I have the determination, and really just plain stubbornness that is needed to never, ever, ever give up on something important. I also have strength to endure pain, both emotional and physical. This time of my life is certainly a test of my strength. In other words, I am well suited to a life spent fighting for the things that really matter. The true question, I suppose, is what it is I should fight for specifically. That too, I may consult the runes to find out. At this point though, the war that needs fighting is very clear to me, as I know that my choices are to fight, or to die. Literally.
