Went to a counselor yesterday for the first time in my life. As I have mentioned I have been struggling with my health for quite some time now. Well, I went to the counselor in the hopes that it will help me deal with the stress and pain of my current health situation, while continuing to participate fully in my life, which includes planning my wedding that is 4 months away.
I didn't come right out and say "I'm a witch" to my counselor, partly because I'm not sure how she would take it, and partly because what I believe doesn't entirely fit into any category that I have found so far, and I don't want her to be confused so I left the W word out of it.
However, I did explain what I believe to her. She was actually quite impressed it seems, not that I care whether she is or not, but she definitely liked what I had to say about it. She appreciated it for the personal responsibility it fosters, as well as the interconnectedness of the human consciousness which she clearly buys into.
She asked me to do something interesting. Actually a couple of them, but here's the first one. She asked me to visualize what my illness would look like if it was out of my body in front of me in the room. I said that I usually think of it as a snake coiled up tightly and moving around itself alot. Also a fist or a hand clenching and moving around inside my gut.
This was interesting because of course what I imagine for it gives clues to it's nature. I liked this approach because it allows my own intuition and senses to create a symbol that best represents this illness for me, giving me greater understanding of it and also ways to think about solving/changing/using to my advantage. A snake as a symbol is definitely fitting I think, as it often feels like I have too much emotional energy, or like I have an imbalance in my energy.
Snakes are associated with the connection between this world and the next in many cultures, and they are also associated with freedom because they cannot be tamed in Hindu mythology. Rebirth, death and mortality are common as well. The shedding of the skin of a snake is symbolic of transformation as well. Given that there are so many interpretations, I think I need to narrow this down a bit, so that I can explore what I may be inadvertently trying to tell myself with my choice of a snake to objectify my illness.
I decided to go with the Naga which is a diety that takes the form of a "very great snake" in both Hinduism and Buddhism. There is apparently some enmity with Garuda, and as such Garuda, once he had finally escaped from his bondage to the Nagas, regarded them as "enemies of food".
There is also a sacrifice rite performed by a king and in relation to a curse from the mother of the snakes. In the story, Astik, a high-souled son born of the sister of the chief of snakes and a high-souled Rishi, regarded all with an even eye. He saved the snakes from total annihilation (a fiery death through the sacrifice), and thus became a savior to all Nagas. I like the Astik figure, and I feel like maybe that is something that I can use.
By practising the
Brahmacharya mode of life he conciliated the
Rishis; and by begetting offspring he gratified his ancestors.
Brahmacharya indicates a lifestyle adopted to enable one to attain the ultimate reality. According to the Yoga Sutras, the end-result or fruit of Brahmacharya practised to perfection is unbounded energy or vitality. Another common usage denotes the life-stage of
brahmacharya, within the
Vedic ashram system. Brahmacharya ashram is the life-stage that occupies the first 20 or 25 years of life.
I like this. I think I will use this for myself to visualize what I need to happen. So, essentially in the story this person Astik, who is related to the snakes, witnessed the rite to sacrifice all snakes, and through his compassion and devotion to the king, the king says that he will grant any request that Astik asks of him. Astik then requests that the king stop the sacrifice, and the king, because of his promise to grant any request Astik makes, agrees to stop. So, for me, I feel that this translates to me needing to be more like Astik. I am in the stage of my life of learning and need to work towards attaining the ultimate reality. This is something that I have already been seeking, as evidenced by my many musings in this blog!
I feel good about this as a concept for aiding me in conquering my problem too. So I don't need to kill the snake, and in fact I should embrace it. The snake is energy and transformation, so if I go with it instead of fighting, and find a counter-balance to it, I could come out of this. Maybe the "snake" that is behind my sickness is emotionally connected to my empath abilities. I have suspected that but at the same time I just don't even know what in the hell I could do about it even if that were the case so I didn't really consider it an option for a real solution.
Using symbolism to get to the root of it is clearly the way to go here.
Another good idea my counselor mentioned for me was to think of good things about this sickness. I had a hard time at first, as this is not something I even considered previously. To me it is just so horrible that it feels impossible for there to be good in it. But, there is, like anything, two sides of it, and shades in between!
So on to the good things: I eat healthier, I take better care of my body, I get sick less often because I take lots of vitamins. And I am skinny again. These are direct results of this illness. In addition, I thought of ways that this could turn into something extremely good, once it's over. Something that would actually make it worth it to me. When I think about who I am, one of the main things about me that I think of first is my strength and determination. I am just too stubborn to let something like this defeat me. Also I will follow all the requirements given to me by the doctor, either to prove them wrong, or prove them right! So essentially, if there is anyone well equipped to handle this kind of problem, it would be me. So maybe this is a task that I am meant to overcome in order to help others overcome it too! That is something positive that I can think about to steel myself for further tests of my muster later on in this journey.
So, even though when I left the counselor yesterday, I felt like it didn't make me feel better, eventually it did! Hurray. And now I have some good visualization and magical points of reference here to use to help my mind conceptualize what it needs to do. Let the uncoiling begin!
