AEttir Year Cast - First Cast on Runecloth!

Well, I have written a couple of posts about my rune cloth which I am embroidering. Well, it's nearly finished, and because Tuesday was the solstice, and an auspicious one at that, I decided it would be a good time to look ahead to the future, and to use my rune cloth for the first time!

Well, it was a bit awkward the way I set it up, so next time I won't do it that way. I was trying to find a good surface for placing the cloth, and I thought that the top of the piano would be good, since I already had some candles lit up there and it could go right in between them. Well, since the piano is next to the wall, of course when I threw my first handful of runes, a bunch of them fell right behind the piano! It was a real pain getting them out too. So that didn't work so well. I need to have lots of space for the runes to fall outside of the cloth, or some sort of wall around the edges to stop them from scattering. So, I either need to do it on the ground or in a box. Hmm well either one would probably be decent, so I'll keep that in mind for next time.

I did make a ton of notes about it and I am still somewhat torn on how I will interpret the meaning. I have a couple of ways I can go. There are sections to the cloth, and so when I tossed runes onto it's surface, whereever they land connects them to a certain aspect of my life, whether it be internal or external. That's the basis of the first division of the space. The outer part of the rune cast surface is the external forces, and there are four different sections for different aspects of it, resistance, encouragement, confusion, and family/friends/clan. The inner circle is divided into 4 parts, and consists of the internal influences, emotions, instincts, logic, and spirituality. Then there is a center, which is considered the "outcome" of the cast.

So, in my cast, I can use those divisions and come up with meanings for the cast for each of the areas, or I can use the relationship between the pictures on the cloth and the runes, and the relationship between the runes themselves. Ideally I would use all of these things. The problem is that there are so many meanings and possible interpretations that I don't know which feels best. I guess I will just have to keep pondering it. On the one hand, the way the runes fell was pretty linear so it could be read as a timeline for the year. Really, it's possible I could read it as a timeline, and then look at each section as being dominated by that section. Or I can separate the two, the timeline reading, and the sections, and then sort of compare and contrast and consider them both seperately. I just don't know, there's too many possibilities.

I decided to let it sit for a little bit and at least sleep on it to get a better idea of what I think I should do. Well, I have been pondering it since then and I'm still not solidified about this. I think I need to read a bit more about the AEttir cast and what the sections are about. Maybe there is more of a fusion possible of these elements than I originally thought! The meanings of the "worlds" which are of course the ways that the cloth is divided may be a good way to get some clarity.

The other thing that I was kinda worried about was that I didn't do a good enough job focusing. But at the same time, it's not goo to over think it either so I'm probably just being insecure. But clearly that trust in myself needs to be solid before I can really jump into the interpretation.

Good thing I have a blog where I can perform self-analysis writing to get to bottom of what I really need to do! Okay, so the cast was good, but now I need to read it with confidence and clarity! At the same time as I felt insecure, I was also scared of what it would say because I'm worried about these tumors I have on my back. I'm scared that I might find out I'm sicker than I thought or I might get sick again or I don't know I'm just worried I guess! At any rate, there were quite a few runes that relate to death in the cast so I can safely say that things aren't just going to remain the same for me that's for sure! There were also some marriage runes too, which is a no brainer considering I'm getting married in 6 months!

The runes will reveal their knowledge all in good time, and I'm not going to rush it! I felt very zen when I did the cast, so I suspect it may be a pretty neat reading once I get it figured!

Empath and Panic Attacks/Anxiety Attacks: Is Magic Making Me Sick?

As I have written in my blog of late, I have been having health problems. Well, lately these problems have actually improved through a combination of medication and strict adherence to a special diet. Digestion aside, I am having problems with anxiety sometimes. It's something that runs in my family, my mother and grandmother both have anxiety problems, and I think it's extremely likely that I do too.

I don't know why I'm even worried about all kinds of things really, since they are not things that really actually affect me. Other than the worry that I do about them. Luckily, I have an amazing logical mind that can think it's way around that kind of stuff, know it, and then use the knowledge to change from worrying about it to marking it down as a concern, making a mental note of it, you could say. And then letting it go.

When I was reading a fantasy novel, (hehe like normal!) the main character, who discovers she's actually a Pixie changeling, was trying to learn how to create things with magic. The kelpie who instructed her told her that the hard part of magic is not visualizing what you want to happen, but actually allowing your energy that you are investing in the task through the visualization leave your body to go do what you intend.

I think this is true, in a magic sense and as applied to my problem of worrying about things that don't really matter. Now, it's kinda funny how I just wrote "and then letting it go" as if this is such a simple task. Well, much like the above explanation, letting go of emotions is every bit as hard as letting go of magical energy. In fact, as far as I can tell it's pretty much exactly the same. Really, emotions are magical energy. Clearly, I'm not someone who needs reminding of that, given my own magical ability to feel the emotions of others. But none the less, it's still something that I struggle with.

I have lately been having the same strange symptoms I had before, in that I have been having panic attack like symptoms, heart racing, nervous, jittery feeling, dizziness and nausea. I'm pretty sure it's a hereditary thing, as my mom has it, and so did my grandmother. I also suspect my mother is herself an empath. I think it's why she ignores people sometimes, and also why she seems to have emotional freak outs from time to time. And it's like I'm feeling what she is giving off, and it's not good, then she feels it off me, then she gets even worse. I really think that she is unaware of her ability, and that is the actual panic attack. Not from her, but from around her. Maybe it's more like she is a sponge, and she soaks up the energies around her, eventually bubbling over into an attack.

Who knows. Anyways, for myself, there are things I can do to help. I can do my self a favor, and lay off the extra energy spent creating problems with worries. The other thing I can do is to talk myself down from it when I do feel that. The other question though, is what to do when it feels like it's not even coming from me. Being an empath complicates it because I actually get more affected by other people's emotions than my own often times, because I never get as upset about things for myself as the emotions I feel from others. When I do get that upset, of course my emotions are stronger than others, but the vast majority of the time I'm feeling fine. While I was sick, I was feeling my own stuff. Now that I'm feeling better, I'm having problems with this again, lol. Maybe it was just so much of my own before there was no room for more from others!

Well anyways, the point is that I can separate from it if it's coming from outside of me. I feel like it is, because even if the emotion originates from my brain somewhere, it's not actually coming from me. I mean, it shouldn't be tuned to a hair trigger here. That's not how things are supposed to be. So if I'm like a sponge for emotional energy, what I need to do is learn to either use the energy and continue it's flow out of me, or block it from coming in.

Now, that's interesting. Blocking is all well and good, but how do you solve the problem if you've already accumulated it inside you? There needs to be a balance there, and it's natural to think of the movement of energy that way. Okay, so one thing that helps is to expend massive normal energy (aka exercise), so in essence some of the energy you put out is bound to be the excess emotional energy. This is how I envision it works, as this is how exercise for the body versus the mind works, they end up crossing over and becoming a mix of both. Creating something, even not magically, but like painting something or drawing something, or playing music. These things indirectly help expend it. But, again, there is a way more efficient way to do it.

Brain exercise for example, is a direct way to improve something that is not working in our natural mental skill set. Clearly I'm not meant to burn out my nervous system in this way emotionally, so there is something that I should be doing to expend this energy, something I was made to do. Well, here it is more than clear to me that I am meant to use this energy, and by not using it, I end up with an overflow.

Now I must take away from this contemplation the fact that I am not only meant to use my magic, but I in fact need to use it. Using it, just for anything at all, will help me. Using my emotions to create something else directly through their application in a spell, now there is something that may even become a cure to all of my current health problems. One could argue that part or maybe even all of my IBS is caused by emotions making my gut react to every little thing.

So I am equipped to transmit this energy, if it's coming in, it can go out, that's just a fact. So being an empath itself, while maybe makes my need to deal with emotions more immediate, I still think I would still have to figure out how to deal with emotional stress anyway. The combination of my natural predisposition towards anxiety stress responses and my ability to feel the emotions of others just gives me no choice but to find a way to deal with emotional overflow before it literally kills me. And I can see now that really the two things are linked in that I have both the ability and the need for magical release of emotional energy, and I have a ready to use seemingly limitless supply of more emotion that I absorb from others.

Well, now that I understand this, I can at the very least test my theory. I shall begin as soon as I think of a spell that is needed, or that I want to do. Also I suppose I should be figuring out how to release the energy in a spell. This I will have to explore and ponder a bit, and I will report back with what I have figured out.

Bonfire Weekend

Well, I'm the type of person who really relates well to fire. So, I'm understandably excited about going up to our cabin this weekend and making a huge bonfire with all the random branches and trees we've had fall down or pruned this year on our property. It's so neat when you get a big fire going, and with the acoustics in our meadow the crackling noises of the fire echo up the canyons. It feels pretty clear to me that the power of the fire is gathering elemental power from the air around it, and in that canyon, the convergence of it must be pretty strong.

At any rate, it will be awesome for sure this weekend when we have one. If I'm not mistaken, I believe that it's also a full moon! Indeed, today it is a full moon! Too bad it's probably going to be cloudy and rainy though. Hmm. Maybe the clouds will part up there for an "ah!" moment with the moon lighting the meadow as the embers burn down on the fire. Mhmmm I can hardly wait!

Happy full moon everyone!

~And blessed are thee who dance under the moon with me~

Update: Rune Cloth

Well, I have been working on my rune cloth a lot lately, and it's really looking great! I have most of the outlining done for the symbolic representations of the different sections of the cloth that are connected to the worlds of Norse mythology, the worlds supported on different levels of the world tree, Yggdrasil. I am pretty sure I've totally butchered the spelling there, but if you're familiar with the worlds I'm talking about, you get the idea.

At any rate, the symbolic divisions of the space make for a really detailed rune cast! I am excited to test it out soon. The thing is, I intend to work on this thing for years, making it into a masterpiece of magical and artistic creativity. What could be better than that for connecting with the great mystery, the spirits, the gods, whatever you want to call it, that divine entity outside of yourself that can see the nature of all things. That connection is definitely fueled by the mind, so by connecting my logic (my thoughts/question that I hold in my mind while casting) and my creativity through the cloth and the runes, I can devote my whole mind, my whole spirit to the connection.

I am ready to at least test the cloth out soon though, as the basic ideas behind the divisions of the space are represented well now both in my mind and on the cloth. It helps that I made it myself, since I have a really good understanding of the meaning of each because I had to think of something I can sew that represents that section, and then after thinking of it, I had to actually sew it. Due to the time invested, it's pretty much cemented the meaning of each for me.

I will edit this post to add pics once I get a chance, I mostly write in my blog at work so I don't have the cloth handy to take a picture!

The rune cast I do will probably first just be a general cast to get acquainted, and it's fun to see what the runes tell you when you don't focus on a specific topic, especially when you are able to delve into such detail due to the many things that will be taken into account in the cast. Obviously, the section where a rune lands will be connected, the orientation of the rune, and it's relationship with the other runes! Yep, it's a lot to interpret, but I think the more I do it the better I will be at it. I suspect I may still use the simpler casts from time to time, but this type of rune casting will be preferable since hopefully this cloth will increase my precision and therefore increase my understanding of the messages I receive. I'm excited, this should be great, I'll post about my cast after.

Time: Another of Life's Questions

I often think about time, and what I think it is defined by, what makes it tick, literally. The thing is, time is really just us marking down the movement of objects in space, and applying all these lines of measurement to it. It's really funny measurements too, they aren't even at all, for example, the number of days in a year is actually an estimate, and to keep it from getting too off they created the leap years!

So I guess that's the first thing about time I want to discuss. The whys and hows of the measurement process are not all that important, though it is a funny thing about our current system for time. What is important to understand is that time is an invention of the minds of humans, as a way to mark the movement of our planet around the sun, and the events of our lives on the earth while it does so. Really it just gives us a frame of reference for that unknowable constant, the present, and it's relationship to the past and future.

The present itself is a bit hard to conceptualize as well. The moment that it is, is just that, and it is gone before you can even think of it as being the present. It's nothing but a marker for the precise moment that divides the past from the future. Really, it defies our ability to define it, and you could argue that it's nothing at all.

You may be wondering then, what time is, if the present is nothing but a marker for the division between the past and the future. Well, I feel like time is bound both by the earth itself, and by our minds. In other words, time did not come to be until we defined it, and through our definition of it, we have bound it to the movement of our planet as well. If you think about it, we have one day for one revolution of the earth, one year for one revolution of the earth around the sun. In the past we also had the months divided by the moon cycles, though now it's a bit more loosely based on that. This means that if humans were on another planet, even in this solar system, their time would be different. I think that if we do end up with multiple planets with human civilizations, we will need to revise this. It's crazy to try to keep track of the minutes and hours and days when you are on a planet that doesn't match up that way, it would get way too confusing. I believe that time has to be bound to the terrestrial home of the intelligent being that is keeping track of it, because this is part of how it is defined for us. Either how we define it or standardize it will need to change, or our understanding as a whole does. Though going to in depth into that is not really important as that hasn't happened yet.

One part about time that is important to define is the future, the unknowable void towards which we are always heading, to the end of time. There is some prediction possible for the future, but there are so many variables that the further from the present you get, the less likely you are to be correct in your prediction. But with divination, the view into time is different than coming up with a prediction based on the likelihood of an event. Divination is using a medium to contact the spirits or energy, however you define it, that exist outside of time and outside of what we know of the physical world. The information about the future that you get through divination is guided by your use of the medium, and your interpretation of the answers given. More than that though it is guided by the energies that come into play. The future seems to be veiled from us, but really it is there all along, and often times will come to pass just as it seems it will. The times when it does not are the important times. When things don't go as expected, that is when you can see the changeable nature of existence, and the amazing adaptability of all life forms.

The past to me is very important, but in the concept of the meaning of time, it's simply memories. Memories written down, or recalled in our own minds. Memories that are passed down in cultures or families. The fact is that the past is only what we remember of it. It's different for everyone, and often times inaccurate.

Time, as a concept is like I said, our invention, the lines we are marking out to keep track of ourselves. In other words, it's our perception of it, in a measurable form. If you allow time to branch out in it's meaning you can think about the perception of it, outside it's measurable (numeric) form. I'm sure most everyone can agree that a period of time can seem longer or shorter than the clock says it is. Sometimes just a few moments can seem like hours, and vice versa.

In using magic to manipulate time, generally I feel like the only part of time that I have been successful in manipulating is the perception of time. I can make the perception of time for myself and sometimes others I am with change, either to seem like more or less time than it really is. Sometimes when I am late I will imagine a clock moving less slowly, but I find it hard to effectively do. I usually would try imagining whatever clock it is that I need to slow, like my supervisor's clock on his computer, or the clock for the receptionist, depending of course on what I am late to. I don't really feel like that type of time manipulation has actually worked for me. The other way that I try to manipulate time in a more indirect manner is through fixing in my mind the need for me to get quickly through obstacles, and that has worked before. Like, having all the traffic lights green, or a car moving out of the way, that type of thing. I think it could also work better to cause a person to mistake the time they see, or to not check what time it is, or not care.

One bit of warning: when I have manipulated time and it had a dramatic effect, I also seemed to have some consequences for my success. Time seems to need a balance, so if you slow time down, you should account for time to speed up again and if you don't want it to do that at a certain point, you should probably assign the balance as well, so if you were slowing time down to get to work, you would want to allow time to speed up to balance itself out afterwards. Otherwise, time might speed up before, meaning you are still late! Or, if you were making something last longer, like a special weekend or trip, you need to account for the time that will be speeding up. So, to make sure that you avoid some twist of time coming back to bite you, account for the opposite of what you intend to accomplish in your spell too. 

To sum this all up, I think time is something that is unchangeable, but the perception of that constant, and the manipulation of the people and things that exist in a certain time and place make it possible to change time with magic, but be wary of the balance needed to accomplish time manipulation.

Looking beyond the Earth - Magic in the Cosmos

Well, I am the type of person who ponders life's questions, sometimes for years until I feel I have reached an acceptable answer for me at the time. I find I end up redefining things and shifting my beliefs fairly often lately, as I reason things out and come to new, more insightful conclusions. This post contains my thoughts on using the whole universe, and even what lies beyond, rather than the more limited approach to invocation- of calling on magical energy from local sources.

In this case, I have been pondering the limited view of magical practice. That is, the idea that the magic you do is based on energies from the earth or our solar system. Like the Moon, the Sun and Earth. Generally those are the things called to. That and the elements of the earth, like water, wind, and fire. Earth too, but of course that's redundant. You can also find lots of information about the magical uses of the planets, as far as what types of aspects they embody and what their placement around the earth means at that time. What I'm saying is, that I feel this is limiting yourself. The earth itself is so tiny and insignificant in comparison to the universe at large. Well, it seems to be anyway. There are so many forces that could destroy our tiny fragile existence. I think it's important to look at the big picture, and in this case some of the biggest questions of the universe that science has not been able to answer have to do with the way that galaxies interact, whether the universe is expanding or contracting, and of course what matter is.

I find that in looking at those questions, it's helpful to keep in mind the idea that there are so many different things out there in the universe that are undiscovered, which also means there are so many things that come into play, meaning the magical forces of the universe are much much bigger than just the one star, moons, and planets near us. The challenge then is to keep this open minded attitude about the energies you employ, rather than limiting them by calling to them by name in an invocation, I would rather think of the infinite and call to that.

To me, the mysteries of the universe and the energies I manipulate with my mind when I practice magic are one and the same. I don't need to connect with the defined attributes others have assigned to the cosmos, but rather I'd like to creatively open my options up and work magic that is bigger than just the wind from the earth or the points on the compass. When you look at modern magic, it should employ things that are based on mankind's current understandings of the universe, rather than looking back to the ancients. For one the information from the past is more difficult to verify, so it has less meaning than what you as a person believe, because it doesn't even connect to you personally. If you have to memorize something in order to use it in a spell, then it's just not the right thing to use.

For example, I have been employing the runes for some time now, and though some of the meaning of the runes I have to look up in books, for the most part the language of the runes (the shapes of the symbols themselves) is understandable to me and so they work as a medium for magic. One reason that they do is that I am able to see the shape of a rune and from that understand how the cosmic energy is manipulated. More specifically, uruz is a rune that shows energy from the earth rising and then returning, illustrating the life cycle, where a person born from the earth returns eventually. Uruz is a rune for health, and life and rebirth. It's easy to see how the energy that comes out and returns could be seen as being a cyclical connection to life, rebirth, and health and prosperity. Understanding what the symbols are illustrating is a way of saying something without having to invest the time in explaining it, which is useful in magic because it is easier to fix your intent when you have an emblem like that to focus on that means what you want. If I didn't understand that part about the runes, or if the runes didn't have that, I wouldn't find them as useful to me.

I find that when you break magic down into it's basic form, it's manipulating energy through thought. Well, does distance matter with thought? No. So there's no real need to focus on just the earth. It is however important to know that the earth is the most important life giving entity for all humans. Whether they believe it or not, every second of every day humans, and all life on this planet, depend on the earth to live.One thing about that is that when you employ energy from an unknown source (i.e. a galaxy specifically, you would have to find a way to invoke it) you would want to direct that energy and make strong parameters for it's effect. I have a feeling that calling on something unique like that may have unexpected results. While employing energies outside the earth is a neat idea, the earth is still extremely important, and I'm not saying that the earth should not be involved in magical practice, I'm simply saying it doesn't have to be the only one.

I can see how just throwing out all you know and going back to square one would be too daunting for most people. I am still contemplating how I am going to apply these ideas to my own practice. But if you are interested in taking your practice to the next level, or you feel like you are not finding the answers you seek with your current practice, this may be a way to open up your horizons and find some new answers!

Technology and Rune Magic?

Well, I have an iPhone, and so of course I'm often browsing the app store for interesting applications to play with. I came across a rune divination app that I decided to try out, despite my skepticism that using a phone to cast runes will be meaningful. The name of the app is Rune Magic Lite, and it was created by Dev-iQue for the Order Ars Ascensionis. I tried to look into who that is, but so far I couldn't tell.

I am skeptical for several reasons. I'm not sure of the mathematical formulae used in the app, but no matter what it is, I don't feel that it can mimic the act of casting runes. Generally, when I cast them, I feel the runes in my hand, and the ones that feel just right are the ones I hold on to and cast. I think the energy of your body interacts with the runes, charging them with your intent, your question to the runes, and then the runes respond to that, which is what I'm feeling for. I am certain that you cannot accomplish that with a push on the screen of the phone. Well, I don't know if you can, but I'm pretty sure that the random rune generator used in the app isn't affected by any energy you send into the phone. Okay, so I guess I could suspend my disbelief a little on that point. An agrument could be made that you could indeed do just that. For me though, pressing the glass surface of my phone to get an answer will never be my preferred method. There's a reason I made my runes with my own hand, from wood that I chose. I wanted my runes to be an extension of me, to be inextricably linked to my creativity. For me, a mathematical equation that expresses the random probability of runes to be chosen in a cast is meaningless when compared to the actual act.

Another reason why I am skeptical that the rune casting from a phone would be meaningful is that rune casting is an organic act, something affected by the touch and mind of the person doing it, and in the case of an app that does it for you, it would also be coming from the programmer who created it. If you beleive that the intent of the button pusher can affect the outcome of the rune cast, then you must also allow for the intentions of anyone involved in it's creation. This app was created by a third party app creation company, making it another degree further from the intent of the person pressing the button. There was one person who intended this app be made, and paid for this company to do it, and then, this company assigned the task to one or more software designers whose intentions with regard to the app could be any number of things. When you look at physical runes casting, you can certainly argue that the energies and intentions of the people who made the runes also affect them, but that's why the rune caster themselves often makes the runes, to keep the intentions of others out of the equation. Doing so with a phone application would be much more difficult for the average rune caster.

Despite these concerns, I did invest a bit of my own magical energy into the phone when I pressed the button, and I also came up with solid questions to focus on. Oddly enough, the casts were somewhat fitting to the questions. The rune casting which the free version of this app allowed is the single rune cast (Odin's rune). The runes that I got for my questions could be relevant, but because I do not yet know the outcome of the questions I asked, I cannot tell if the guidance I got was truly helpful to me. I wasn't intending to "test" it's accuracy, really I just wanted to have a quick magical moment at my desk, and at least when casting runes I am execising my mind's visualization and energy manipulation. Also, it does help me to refocus myself towards my goal of health. The other great thing about this app is that it has a study section. I haven't reviewed the information from my rune studying with the info on the app to note differences I see, but it looks pretty awesome so far. I do need to check the differences, if there are any, but really it could be helpful in commiting the meaning of the runes to memory so that when I cast it can be even more effective. In the end, I have decided that I like the app, but there is no way that it can ever replace real rune casting. It's simply a simluation of something real, but it's discreet enough that you could do it anywhere, and it's also a great tool for learning the runes.

Update - The War has begun...

Boy, it has been a while since I have found the time to post on here. Well, I am still sick. I am unsure of whether the spell that my friends and I did had any effect, but one of my doctors beleives that he knows what is wrong with me, so maybe it did. For me, knowing what is wrong is a big releif, but because I am not getting better after doing what my doctor has said to do, I am concerned that he is wrong.

I have been trying to figure out what it is on my own as well, I have done several rune casts to try to get some new ideas. A month or two ago I did a rune cast that at the time I struggled with the meaning. It was clear in the way that the runes fell that my fate was forked, meaning it was up to me which way it ended up.

One path was a bit jumbled, and seemed to lead to death/rebirth through difficult trials, and the other pointed to an Odin rune with the valkyrie rune ( /| ) as the rune that pointed. At the time, I could see which was the best path, the Odin path, but I wasn't sure what that entailed exactly. It was the rune for wisdom and knowledge through Odin, so I was thinking at the time that it meant to seek knowledge, or possibly to become more odinistic. I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything. Sometimes, it's a good idea to ponder something, waiting until you feel like you have determined the true meaning, even if you think you are close, lest you do something that then tips your fate the undesirable direction.

Well, the other day I was packing my notebook to take with me on a trip, and happened to look at the drawing I made of the rune cast, and being the type of person who can't let go of something until I understand it, thought it over once again. A few hours later, I had a realization of the meaning of the "path of Odin". Well, I have learned a good amount about the different aspects of the Norse gods, including Odin, so I know that Odin is a warrior god, who values brave warriors and through his valkyries he rescues thier spirits when they have fallen in battle to bring them to Valhalla. Thinking about that, I realized that I must wage war on this illness.

I had planned to build my strength up once I was feeling better, and then banish future sickness by remaining extremely physically fit. I guess it hadn't occured to me that I was somewhat putting the cart before the horse in the matter. I have realized that the way to feel better is to banish this sickness now by becoming stronger than it and forcing it to.

When I think about becoming a warrior for my health, I realized that it's really more that to do this I should become strictly disciplined in both body and mind, devoting myself to my purpose. It goes beyond eating right and getting sleep and exercise, to include becoming strong mentally as well. Expanding my knowledge, meditation, training myself with good habits, all of these things will be needed. I have been somewhat indulgent of myself the last few years, feeling like I need to reward myself in order to feel good, when really it is my own lack of action that keeps me from feeling good, not the lack of perceived rewards. Wouldn't good health truly be a reward? This is what I have realized, that to be happy and healthy, I must give up the empty rewards that only satisfy me in the short-term, and instead focus on the work that needs to be done, knowing that the reward I need is bigger and more important than any other.

So, the runes have provided, once I was ready to see the meaning of it, a solution to my problem. I am going to need to figure out a plan for all this, so that it doesn't get simply forgotten about once I have begun to recover. This is something that there is no going back to "normal" on after it's over. Once you commit to be a warrior in the eyes of Odin, you are commited for life. This will be a life change for me, bringing me to my true self, a warrior. I know that this is something that is vitally important for me to understand, that I am not just using this as a tool to get what I want, but instead I am pushing myself to reach my highest potential for good in the world too. It's all interconnected, and without good health, it is clear that everything else I want to accomplish cannot be done.

I have dreams about being a warrior for the forces of good in the world all the time. In fact, deep down I have been searching my soul to figure out what I want my purpose to be, and all along it was there waiting for me to realize. I have the determination, and really just plain stubbornness that is needed to never, ever, ever give up on something important. I also have strength to endure pain, both emotional and physical. This time of my life is certainly a test of my strength. In other words, I am well suited to a life spent fighting for the things that really matter. The true question, I suppose, is what it is I should fight for specifically. That too, I may consult the runes to find out. At this point though, the war that needs fighting is very clear to me, as I know that my choices are to fight, or to die. Literally.

Bonfire Spell ~ Results

Well, it's been a couple of weeks almost since we did the spell, and I still hadn't posted anything in my blog about how it went! So, here goes. Well, the night before I was really worried that it would snowing or raining too much to be able to even get up to our property for the spell, so I was just sort of hoping for the best.

But, it turned out that it was a beautiful day, with bright sunlight in the morning when I got up. I was so excited! We all met at my place and then we drove up there. The drive went well, and then we walked from the car about a half mile to the cabin. It was really a beautiful day, so after all that walking none of us were cold. We started right away by getting some wood from a big pile we have and my fiance chopped it up for us. We also scavenged some sticks and whatnot from a brush pile.

There was a huge pile of wood ready for the bonfire, so I made a little pile of paper and some smaller sticks with some bigger peices around it to shelter it, and then I let my fiance try to light it with his flint strker for a bit, since he really wanted to try it out, and I was curious to see how it would work, too. Turns out those things are much harder to use than we realized, so I ended up just using a lighter to light the fire after all.

Then, while the fire was building up, I took the girls back to the spring where we get the water for the cabin. It is so awesome back there, the trees are so tall that you can't even see the tops of them, and it's so quiet and peaceful. I just love it up there. We each picked out a rock that we liked for part of one of the other girls' spells. We then headed back to the fire spot in the middle of the meadow.

The fire was roaring at that point, so it was time to get started. I wasn't sure exactly how we were going to do the circle, since we each have different things that we do, so we talked over that and went over what each one of us had prepared for the spell. I had made papers with the words to my spell on them which I also painted things on with watercolors for fun.

The other two girls are water and earth oriented, so one made a spell to use afterwards to cleanse away any remaing bad things, and the other had a healing rock visualization type thing that she had planned, which is what we would use the river rocks for that we had picked out.
One thing that I hadn't really done before with the circle that I thought was interesting was the triangle made of rocks which pointed north that one of the girls made. It was neat because it makes it a little easier to orient yourself to the directions when you already have a marker for north. I think I will use that myself in the future, because it really came in handy!

It was really neat while we were in the circle together, it was like each of us was responding to things the other person was thinking without the need for much explanation. We seemed to be able to create some pretty strong magic, I think. Each of us have a different specialty so when we band together like that we have a broad range of skills/power to draw upon. It was a great experience for me.

After the inital circle casting and gathering a couple of forgotten items that were outside the circle, we then started my portion of the spell. It went really well, I liked how it all went together. Then, we did some visualization with the rocks where each of us held a rock to the part of my abdomen that has been hurting and visualized the rock taking away the bad thing that is causing all my troubles. A weird thing happened while we were doing that, I get thig buring feeling on my stomach, like really strong buring sensation. Later, upon reflection, I figured it may have been the heat from the fire, as my bare skin was facing it and that fire was super hot!

Once we had completed that part of the spell, well, I had to stop it because my belly was burning too much, but then we had a little drink of some of our homemade apple cider and then we did the cleansing spell. I really liked both of the things that my witch friends had prepared for this, it was so awesome to get to do some magic with other people! It's fun to do spells on your own too, but I really liked the group thing.

So the jury is still out on whether it worked, I am currently on antibiotics so if that doesn't work then I will have to get more tests. I hope the spell worked because I could definitely use some help with this health problem I'm having. Yesterday was a really yucky pain and nausea day, I felt bad all day long, and today is slightly better, but I just feel like my body is all out of balance. I think it takes time for a spell like this to take effect, and certainly they never really do what you expect anyways, but once I know more I will be sure to post about it!

Bonfire Spell ~ Words We'll Say

Well, lately I have been really busy and also of course still struggling with health issues so I haven't written the spell out yet for Saturday! I am going to make a rough draft of it here, and probably go back in and edit it a few times until I feel it's just right.

I realized that I also need to write the beginning, just after the circle is closed, because it is when we will begin the first spell we have done together with the three of us. I decided that this is a big deal and wanted to just go with something basic and proven for this. What better way to do it than to use some of the rede! Indeed.

*Note* This is re-worded by me because I don't like saying "thee" and "thy", I feel like I'm roleplaying and then I am thinking about things other than what I should be, which is the purpose of the words.

Here it is:

Bide the wiccan laws we must,
in perfect love and perfect trust.
In these eight words, the wiccan rede fulfill,
and it harm none, do what you will.

Fire light, burn bright,
unleash destruction for this blight,
burn what should have perished,
but save what should be cherished,
feel the intention in our will,
burn for victory from this ill!

Ivy with relentless conviction,
wind your tendrils round this affliction,
cling to it with all your power,
so it too may be devoured.

Fiery agate, transform bad to good,
Cool amethyst, banish fear and doubt,
Strong bloodstone, close the wounds,
Clear crystal, cleanse the body,
Bright diamond, rebuild the defenses,
Truthful hermatite, to learn the new way.

Western Winds, come to us,
come to heal in time of need,
come in haste, we three do plead,
clear the path, bring well-being near.

Flesh and bone be sound as stone, 
Spirit, heal, with kiss to seal,
tis well, so mote it be!

Our work is done, let the gift go forth,
like the dancing wild, like the blessing sun,
like the healing rain, like the fruitful earth,
with the blessing power of the ancient gods,
bring good to this work, and harm none.

(close circle, get food ready that wasn't warming at fire, get out cider!)

Blessed be this food,
blessed be the land that nurtured it,
and the sun that gave it power,
and blessed be all hands,
that have brought this food to us.

Then just some grounding/hanging out before we have to go home again. It's going to be pretty cold and I fear it might rain or snow. But, we will give it our best shot and see what happens! There are places we could stop that may have fire possibilities. In the meantime, I am going to hope for an hour or two of sunshine on Saturday afternoon!

Phew, that was a lot. I don't need all of it really, but you know, depending on my mood, I may or may not do it all. But, I do feel good about the plan now. That is really why I like to write it out. Then I am very clear on the purpose for all the parts of the spell so that I can visualize it much more effectively. Mmm now to find a good recipe!

Bonfire Spell

Well, lately I have been having some health problems that my doctor has been unable to diagnose, and which are worsening gradually. My friend had the awesome idea to do a spell to help me get better! She checked to see if that was the right thing to do with her Tarot cards, as that is what she prefers for divination. So, once it was determined that we should, it was time to get started planning it. She and our other witch friend will be helping me with it, and each of us is going to prepare something that is in our area of expertise for it. I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends who would want to do something like this for me!

Ok, so for my part I decided the time, place, and type of spell. For the time, it is going to be at mid-day because that is my strongest magical time, it's going to be up at my family's land in the forest, and it's a fire spell, as I'm sure you gathered from the title. Being that it is spring and the fire danger is low, I thought a bonfire would be a really awesome thing to do, because it would work well for the spell and I love them. Additionally, I am going to write out the words for the spell that we will say. As with my last custom made spell, I am going to make a plan first because that helps me to write it. Spell planning can also make my spells more successful because I can keep my thoughts more focused, which of course makes for strong magic.

Ok, first of all, we would need to actually make the fire. I am not going to worry too much about what wood is used for the fire, but I have a really good spot picked out for it. It's in the middle of a meadow where the sound echoes off the hillsides around it. So, the rest of the details of the fire are not too important, in my opinion.

For the materials, we intend to use ivy in the spell, so we will gather some that is growing out there already. It was planted by my grandmother, and while I don't know if that will help, it certainly can't hurt anything. Additionally, we will have some gemstones but I don't know which just yet. I feel like there is something I'm forgetting here, so I might come back and edit this post later to add more.

Ok, on to the meat of the matter, writing a spell!

Ok, first we need to cast the circle, but that I am going to wing it on, as there's three of us and we each probably have some variations.Then we really should make some type of pact to help with using our powers together, like a promise to do no harm to one another and work together towards the same goal.

Next, I'd like to have a short laundry list type section where we say the things which we are going to use, and thier intended purpose. In turn, we can then do whatever action is appropriate for the item in question:

• Fire - feel the heat with hands
• Ivy - put in the fire
• Gems - Charge them with energy, place them (tentative, I don't know what we are doing with them)

So, for the fire, I just assume that will be my contribution. For the ivy and gems the other two ladies will do them. So it will be a three part section, each part spoken by one of us. With the words for the ivy and the gems, I will simply discuss it with the other two on the way there and come up with the words then. For mine, I will write it ahead so that I will have something to base the other part on.

Something that we talked about during the planning of this spell was the fact that each of us have an element that we are strongest in, or identify with more. It's part of who we are. So, I am fire, and we also have water and earth. So, to complete the picture, we need wind, right? Well, I happen to know that there is a good amount of wind in the spot where I will have the fire, so another thing that will be done is that we will call to the wind to help complete the spell.

Finally, I think it will be good to have a unifying stanza which will then direct our focus to the main purpose for all of it, a coming together of the energies at hand. This will be the culmination of the spell, and after, we can then begin to close out the magic. The energy will be sent to it's purpose or back to earth depending on the type, and then we will bust out the food and drink for a celebration of the completion of our first spell together as a group! Yay!

My next post will either be the menu for the after spell feast, with recipes, or the wording to the spell, depending on which I am more inspired about first!

Spirit Contact - Results

Well, Saturday night I set everything up for my spell, and I decided to use a couple of candles as part of the spell as well. I chose magenta and pink for thier uses in divination, contacting spirits and also love and protection.

Once I had cast the circle, I could sense the spirit (I could almost see it! It was like a cloudiness in a certain spot in the living room, like they were there just waiting for me). Once I began the spell a feeling of releif and happiness filled me, presumably from the spirit. It really made me feel good about what I was doing. I was a little scared/nervous before I cast the circle, but once it was cast, all of my nervousness and fear was gone.

I used the spells that I chose, and after I addressed the spirit, the candles flickered at me as if in answer. I know that seems silly because candles flicker all the time, but it kept happening at moments like that!

Then I cast the three norns and got the rune for contemplation and uncertainty for the past, for the present I got the run for guidance/advice, and then on the last rune, representing the future, I got the rune for harmony, a connection between all things, love, protection, wisdom of the gods. This was very cool. When I was reading the meaning of the last rune a I got a very strong feeling of happiness and excitement. I almost wanted to cry at how well it was going, I really felt like I was helping!

Then, to be sure, and to find out further what help I might give, I did a second run cast where I just grab some runes from the bag and toss them on the table randomly. There were three face-up runes on the table. Two were grouped together, one was the "tribe" rune, or a rune of togetherness with your community/similar people. The other rune was a fire rune, which I assumed meant me, or at least my magical ability, as it always manifests itself as fire (in my dreams and visualizations). These two runes were actually stacked on top of each other a bit when they landed on the table, along with an ice rune which was face down. I didn't need to see the ice rune to see that those two runes should be read together and considered "bound" of course, so I didn't worry too much about that. The one alone didn't seem to have much relevance except as a marker for the other two, as it was positioned slightly lower and to the left of the other two. I actually forgot what rune it was, I knew I should have written them down! But suffice it to say that I was able to figure out what the spirit needed.
After the cast, I decided that it looks like the spirit mostly just needed my guidance and assurance that they would be going to a good place in the afterlife. I felt like the spirit had been scared to cross over, and that is the reason they were hanging out at my house. I guess they must have known that I could do magic, and so they were hoping I would figure out a way to help them.

I then used the rest of my spell that I had written out ahead of time, and closed the circle. After, it was interesting to me that I started to miss the feeling of there being a spirit there. My fiance also noticed this and told me he thought it felt empty now.

Since that night, and especially on Sunday night, I have been paying clsoe attention to see if I have noticed any return of the spirit, or possibly a new spirit. So far it looks like there aren't any, so I am very happy with how the whole thing went. Next time, if there is one, I will be sure and make contact sooner so that I can help them. I have a feeling that this is not the last time that I will be able to use my magic for the good of a spirit, and so I am going to keep my senses alert!

One thing that this experience has helped me with is trusting my feelings and instincts, and beleiveing myself when I sense something amiss. It's hard not to just dismiss creepy feelings as nothing, and this is a positive example of why it's a good idea to pay attention to that sort of thing. Just think how long it might have been before that spirit found peace otherwise!

The Spells For the Spirit

Well, this afternoon I was feeling in the mood for some spell writing, and considering I am planning to contact the spirit tomorrow night, it makes sense to go ahead and write the spells out that I am going to use. For the preparation, I will of course cast a circle and call to the four directions as I normally do in preparation for any spell.

After the initial preparation, I will use this spell/spells for the beginning part of my plan:

Ring of fire, 'round me now,
keep me safe, don't let me down,
see you here and know no ill,
until my purpose, I fulfill.

Spirit near but so far,
come to me if you will,
share your story of before,
so I may help you, I implore.

These runes I cast you will know,
use them well until you go.

After that, I will be doing an actual rune cast. I haven't fully made my mind up yet, but I think I will do the three norns first to get an initial idea, and then from there I will go with what makes the most sense as a way to further enlighten myself about the purpose of the contact I have been feeling with a spirit.

After I have communed with the runes and the spirit long enough to have an idea of what to do next, I will make a promise with the spirit to do my best to help them achieve peace:

Spirit of the other-where,
I promise you, I'll make it clear,
I cannot undo the past you lived,
but surely peace can find you here,
your troubles I will take them on,
so you can go to the beyond.

Once that is done, I will remove the connection I made with the runes:

Work done, and with thanks,
my rune-power will, with me remain,
I myself have made it so,
I myself undo it now.

Then I will finish with the closing of the circle and final part to the spell:

Ring of fire round me no more,
let your power leap and soar,
return to earth, your rightful place,
again I'll call, if I may.

Circle of the ancient power,
ground the power of this hour,
spirits here, will soon be gone,
to be at peace in the beyond.

Blessed be to all who hear,
my spell of hope, no need to fear.

Well, that's it for this one. I hope that I can help this spirit, I have the feeling something amazing is going to happen!

Contacting Spirits

For several weeks I have felt like there is a presence in my kitchen/living room. I saw this spirit out of the corner of my eye, well, it's shadow on the wall next to my refrigerator. It has been noticeable so many times, and often after I get the feeling, I go upstairs and I feel like it is following me, and I end up asking it not to as I turn the corner to come up the stairs. At that point the feeling seems to leave, though clearly this spirit keeps returning. It may be because I have been using runes and doing magic in the living room. Maybe this spirit is here because it needs my help with something and because it knows that I beleive in it and am able to do magic, it was somehow attracted to my house because of that.

Of course, when I do my safeguards around the house before bed I don't feel like the spirit, or anything else for that matter, is there. But I don't do that all the time, only when I feel like I need to. I sometimes also imagine a special door in the safeguards for things that are good to come in through, so that it's not just blocking everything. I definitely have noticed that the number of unexplainable occurences in my life has increased since I decided to embrace my natural inclination towards magic. I beleive that anyone has a choice to acknowledge and accept the things that are "unexplainable" in life or deny them and see less of them. It seems like once you accept it, it's like you just opened up the flood gates for all kinds of things!

Anyhow, since I have definitely determined that there is a spirit at my house, and it is not leaving on it's own, I think maybe I should try to contact it. Since I use the runes for divination, they should work equally well for communication with a spirit as long as I make the right preparations and am ready to make contact! I get very afraid though when I feel like it's there. I guess maybe I should do some protection for myself then so that I can feel safe while I do it.

Ok, so here is my plan for the spell(s):

• Protection for me
• Allow the spirit to use my runes to communicate
• Ask the spirit to communicate

After the preparation spell is complete, and once I feel ready, I will then do a rune cast, I think it might help if I use the norns cast for it because the spirit would clearly need help with something from the past in order to be at peace in the future.

Finally, I will do another spell to finish things up:

• Make a promise with the spirit that I will help them as best I can
• Remove the connection from my runes and the spirit
• Close the circle, ground the energy in the house
• Put up safeguards in the house

The reason I am going to be sure to do safeguards is because I think that any time that you make contact with a spirit like that you are possibly opening yourself up to other spirits seeking you out for the same reason and really that's a bit much for me at the moment. I mean, I don't really mind except that I get scared by there being extra presences in my house. My cat is a bit jumpy too, so that's a concern.

I am going to work on the spell writing today and see how it goes. This should be an interesting thing for me to do, and actually if it works out, it might be something that I can do to help and make a different with my magic so that would be awesome! It's funny how when you are searching and searching for purpose it seems so hard and then it just finds you, or was there all along!

Once I have actually tried the spell I will update my blog with the results and also with the actual spells I used. I like writing my own spells because they seem to be easier to really put my energy into, which of course is very important!

Blog Revamp and update!

Well, I went through and re-organized my layout and added a page with some general recommendations for websites and books. It's mostly for people who are just starting out, but I will be adding to it as I go along. I don't know if I have any readers yet, but I am hoping to have readers because that would be pretty dang cool.

Magically I haven't been incredibly active simply because I've been busy and contemplative. I have been searching for my purpose in life and magic, and I have really been pondering it every chance I get lately. Sometimes it really bothers me to think about how much of life is just meaningless repetition of routine.

This book series I'm reading by John Twelwe Hawks doesn't help either. It's set in a very Orwellian universe (that could technically also be true) where current technology has been used to monitor and control society by an organization behind the scenes of all governments. In the story there is one idea that I really liked. The organization which opposes the one wanting to control society has a penchant for randomness, and in fact subscribes to the mantra: "Cultivate randomness". I really like this. It's neat, though a bit hard for me to explain. I like the freedom of not being concerned over whether you make the "right" choice, and instead treat the choice making as a random act which does not have overt consequences. For example, the choice to take a left or take a right at an intersection. In most cases you make the turn which makes sense for your destination, but if you just take a random route, you might see some things you wouldn't have seen otherwise, you may be later or earlier than you would have otherwise. It makes your immediate fate different. You can change anything about yourself if your universe is always that changeable. Humans tend to cling to routine and order, so to allow that little bit of chaos in your life could be enough to change the course of everything.

Anyways, that's what I have been pondering lately. I guess I have decided that I want to do that, and that I am clearly getting tired of living a life with no variety and creativity!

Stormy Day!

Last night it was so windy here! The wind was extremely powerful, and it was making so much noise at my house I had a hard time sleeping this morning! Also I wasn't that sleepy, but I was really windy. It also happens to be my fiance's birthday today.

He has dreams from time to time which come true, so I was hoping that with all the energy from the storm he would have some interesting dreams maybe, but when I asked him this morning he sleepily replied in the negative. I really did feel the energy from the storm myself while I was getting ready and also somewhat last night, though last night I felt more calmness than this morning. This morning it was like everything around me was affected by that wind. It was swirling and gusting and whistling everywhere!

Generally I can sense the mood of the storm, like whether it is a destructive storm or a life giving storm. This one was clearly destructive, but I am unsure of whether there was really a strong mood of that, to me it was mostly just a chaotic mood, not so much destruction but instead just a feeling of whirling power. I felt excited and happy about it actually.

Which reminds me, I haven't mentioned in my blog about some new events that are important. This last Friday I met with the 2 other witches whom I know and we talked some and I did some rune casting as well. It was neat because one of my witch friends asked a questions which complements the one that I asked of the runes recently, albiet from her perspective not mine, so of course it was not the same question, but rather about the same topic, which is whether to keep being solitary now that we have the option to join together.

I had reservations about it, so I asked the runes, and she has different ones of course, so it was just neat that we are both thinking of that. Nothing has really been set in stone at all, it's more that we are all slowly getting to know each other's preferences and sort of feeling it out. It was really cool to talk about it and show them both my book and runes and everything which I have been studying, making, and learning. I hope it works out, it would be very cool if it did.

Speaking of things I am making, I have been continuing to work on my rune cloth, it is coming along pretty well. I am unsure of how much detail I want in the cross stitching, and so I am simply doing outlines for now and leaving the decoration for after the main parts are in so I can get a feel for how much of an undertaking that would be.

I will take some pictures and make a post about it this week.

Anyway back to the maybe I'm going to form a coven thing. Well, I guess it might be a good call to set something up. I should look at my schedule and find a good night for that type of thing, or maybe we can each take turns having it at our houses and each person sets the day and time. There are only 3 of us so it wouldn't be like we would need to have a "leader" or priestess or anything, but we should really have like, plans for what we want to accomplish. I think what I will do is make a list of things I want to learn from them/learn as a group, and goals for my witch life as far as what I want to accomplish. It would be a good starting off point for us as a group to each make something like that and then we can come together, compare, and make plans for helping each other reach our goals.

I am also thinking that I will do some reviews of different books I have read about being a witch. Honestly I have a hard time calling myself "Wiccan" because I feel like it's not really what I am. Partly because I tend to just read things and take what I want only from it and I'm not really following in anyone else's footsteps, so I didn't feel like I'm a follower of Wicca, more of just someone who identifies most closely with that group. But I do feel comfortable calling myself a witch. At least when I am talking about it anyway.

I am not open about it actually, except with my fiance and my two witch friends. My family and most of my friends have no idea. One of my witch friends, she asked about how I would handle it if someone asks me what religion I am or something like that, and I told her I don't know, because really no one asks that. Plus, I was raised Methodist, so it's not like I can really say that I'm against all religion, I think it's great for some people, it's just not what is right for me. I just can't beleive in it, and so it becomes nothing but something that I felt like I should beleive in, not something that I actually did.

Once I let that go, I have been so much more free and happy, and also more creative and I am starting to see things. But I haven't really shared my secret with anyone, people who knew me before just assume I'm a Christian and I have never really refuted it to them. I don't want people to become concerned with it so I just let it be. I know who I am, and that's all that matters. This post is getting long and off topic so I'm going to let it be as well, for now!

To be continued!

The Water Elemental I Met

The following is something I wrote from January 30th, 2009, almost a year ago. It relates to what may have been a water elemental, or some other water spirit, whatever you want to call it.

It was an amazing and slightly strange experience. I was cross country skiing (a love of mine) when I came across a meadow thick with fog. It wasn't normal fog that almost smells dirty, it was clean smelling. The air was thick with water, it was slightly hard to breathe and I knew there was a presence in that meadow. I could feel it wanting to draw me near. It wasn't a particularly picturesque meadow at the time, because there were snowmobile tracks all over it. They tend to do that to open spaces in the snow.

Despite that, it was so quiet and it seemed almost like sacred ground. On my first stop there, I decided to continue on past, knowing I should be cautious about something so clearly more powerful than me. But at the same time, very curious. I was tempted to go look there. I simply said: "I'll be back." And kept going.

I felt like I could feel more than just a magical presence, but also an intelligent one. On my way back by, I stopped again, and this time, sure I shouldn't go over there, I did a little bow as if to pay my respects and thought about bringing my friend who is also a witch with me next time. She happens to be a water person, so that elemental was a better fit for her than me.

For a while after that day I would feel like I was being watched over by something in the sky, and I felt like the weather was being controlled by that spirit, and it was still reaching out to me. I never figured out what it meant, and I have since mostly lost that feeling, though I do sense whether a storm feels destructive or life bringing.
It was a very neat experience, and I can't say that I have really felt something similar since. I have really wanted to and several times I have thought about going back to that place, but I never have. I also have thought about trying to astrally travel to that place, but I have struggled with that type of thing, I think I need more practice. Anyways, I just wanted to add that in there because it was on my mind today. Occassionally I think of that day and ponder what the presence was and what it wanted. Someday maybe it will be clear!